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The Control of my Ego

It never ceases to amaze me how much control my ego has over me.  I’ve spent the majority of my life not even knowing what an ego was and now I find it amazing how it finds so many ways to plant doubt and fear in virtually everything I do.  What’s up with that?  I don’t remember my parents or family instructing me on how to grow and nurture my ego.  I don’t remember anyone saying, “Okay now Dwight- to grow up big and strong and have a life controlling ego, you need to doubt each and every decision you make and allow it to guide you along a path of struggle and suffering.”  Jeezz…

So now I am “aware” of my ego and how it has been the great conductor of many struggles of my life.  Struggles ranging from unworthiness to depression to feeling completely out of control in all aspects of my life.  I am aware of the ego and yet this knowing hasn’t given me complete control … at least not yet.  I think the knowing of how ego can squirrel its way into my thoughts has enabled me to stop and think about why I feel the way I do at certain times.  If I run across a decision or situation where I start to think about all the reasons it won’t work or why I shouldn’t try, I ask myself, “Okay is this my ego talking, or is this really something genuine that I should reconsider.”  I’d like to say that I am able to do this all the time, but honestly ego finds ways to side step the knowing and go straight to doubt and depression.  Blast it anyway!!!

Now you might think that ego is only bad, but really there are two sides to ego.  The “good” ego gets no press at all – so it’s not something most people would even consider.  Good ego is the part of you that challenges and encourages you to excel, that part that tells you “nice work – you rock!”.  This is not the “nose stuck in the air” kind of ego, this is you feeling worthy, feeling like what you’ve accomplished is fulfilling and satisfying.  The good ego is what is worth developing and sharing with others.

The truth here is that “bad ego” is a master illusionist – but that’s it.  It’s only an illusion to think that you are anything less than perfection.  The perfect you exists now and is there for everyone to love and share.  The only thing stopping the great unveiling is your ego.  It is the proverbial, “man behind the curtain” (I loved Oz), the great illusion set in place to try and prevent you from knowing who you truly are and that is a Being of Light having a human experience.

Dwight Raatz

#depression #Ego #illusion

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